How To Be a Connector Even if You Don’t Know Anyone with Michael Whitehouse

Kathi: Hi, I'm back. I am with Michael Whitehouse, who is the guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy. In 2014 he came to Groton, Connecticut knowing no one at all, and a year later he's a major player in the networking landscape, and he leverages his connections to make things happen. So welcome, Michael. I'm so glad that you're on the show.

Michael: Thank you. It's great to be here.

Kathi: I just keep saying the guy who knows a guy. How about a girl who knows a girl? We're all people who know everybody.

Michael: Yes. And I do specify in my book, The Guy Who Knows a Guy, which you can get on Amazon, I encourage you to, that in the introduction I clarify that it's a gender-neutral guy. But the person who knows a man or woman just didn't have the same ring as the guy who knows a guy. Not meant to be gender, just meant to be catchy.

Kathi: And it is. And it is. So, okay. You went to Connecticut, you didn't know a soul. How did you start out doing this? What was your impetus?

Michael: Well, we actually were moving because my wife's job changed, and our apartment was attached to our job. And at the time I was trying to launch a business. It wasn't actually a fully baked scheme, but I knew I needed to have a network if I was going to be doing it. So I had some idea about networking. I read a few books about it. I'd done a bit of networking in the past. And I said, "All right, well, let's jump into this with both feet." And I went to every business after hours, business before hours, business during hours, every ribbon cutting, hair cutting, line cutting. If there were people getting together, I was there meeting people. And I found within a year I was connecting people of note to other people of note. And I'm like, how do you not know each other? You live seven miles apart and you're both big wheels here. But they hadn't made those connections because, especially here in New England, people get very hyperlocal. They're in their town, they don't cross the river to the other town. And so I was able to be a connector just bridging those gaps.

Michael: Then, when the pandemic came, I went from being a connector here in little New London County, Connecticut, population 250,000, to a connector in the English-speaking world, population 2.5 billion. Because when everything went on Zoom, everything went virtual, I could connect at a higher level to people who are doing bigger and more impressive things and could make bigger connections. And ultimately I got to the point where I realized there was a niche for a professional connector, which I call a networking concierge.

They don't want to kiss all the frogs. They just want to meet the princes. So I kiss all the frogs, introduce them to the princes, and make the connections for them.

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Michael: So there's people out there who know how to network. They want to network. They see the value in networking. They don't have the time or inclination. Either they're too busy, like, "I love networking, but I've got all these other things going on," or there's commitments, or "I know how to network, but I'd really rather not do it," or "I'd rather only network with people that are the right ones." They don't want to go to the events. They don't want to kiss all the frogs. They just want to meet the princes. So I kiss all the frogs, introduce them to the princes, and make the connections for them. And I found there's a great value in that, especially for people who are in the joint venture space, where one introduction can be worth $50,000 to them. So they're happy to pay me to go find those introductions. Heck, if I make one or two good introductions a year, they're happy. And I make far more than that every month. So it's worked out pretty well.

Kathi: What did you start out doing? What was your half-baked idea?

Michael: My half-baked idea was… it's funny, at the time it seemed very clear. Now I'm like, it was some kind of consulting, sales training kind of thing or something. It wasn't even half-baked. It was just batter. It didn't have all the ingredients in the batter. I think it was foreshadowing what I'm doing now, that I was like, "Yeah, I'm going to consult or something. Let me go meet some people." I'm a little extroverted, a little outgoing. So I think I got so distracted with the networking, I forgot that I actually had to have a business. There's a chapter in my book called Monetization Makes the World Go Around, which is written for an audience of one, this guy right here, to remind me you can't just network if you don't have a monetization path.

Michael: Now, if you're an attorney and you're networking, well, you're going to find some attorney clients. If you're an insurance agent and you do a lot of networking, you're going to find some insurance clients. If you don't have that thing to plug in to make the money, then you're the best-connected guy living in a cardboard box under the bridge in town. So you need to have some way that ties in. And ultimately, I figured out for me, it's monetizing the connections directly: find people who can very effectively monetize introductions and make introductions for them. But you've got to have some path. Ultimately, once that half-baked idea fizzled out and I ran out of unemployment, I ended up selling cars, I sold printing, I published a community magazine, in which 75% of my sales were coming from in-person networking. That worked great right up until March 2020, at which point that 75% went poof, and it became clear that it was time for me to follow my own path, because there weren't any other paths. It was just mine.

Kathi: What did you do before that, whenever you were switching from one career to the other?

Michael: Well, when I moved here, as I said, I sold cars, sold printing, sold ads for the magazine. That's what a publisher does. So that's pretty much 2014 to 2020: different sales jobs. And the great thing was, every time I needed a job, usually because I got fed up with one, because I'm a dyed-in-the-wool entrepreneur and thus not good at working for people, I could simply activate my network and just go get another one. I actually talk in my book about the fact that it baffles me when I meet someone who's been unemployed for two years. And I'm like, how would you look for a job for two years and not find it? I don't look for jobs. I just get them, because I have a network.

Michael: And that sounds like bragging, except that I explain how I do it. The short form of it is you meet with a lot of people and someone's hiring. If there's a particular job you want, then the way you get it is you think about who can give you that job, and then who can get you to the person who can give you that job, and then who can get you to those people, and work in concentric circles. Get as close as you can. Reach out to them. Get a cup of coffee or a Zoom call or a phone call with them. Get their advice. Be pleasant. Offer to make introductions for them, and repeat. And of course, ask them, "Who do you think I should talk to?" or "Do you know particular people?" and work your way in until you finally talk to someone who says, "I like your enthusiasm and your energy," because you've already talked to 20 people trying to find this job.

Michael: Imagine you're a hiring manager, and somebody reaches you through an introduction from an introduction from an introduction, and you ask, "So-and-so introduced you; how do you know them?" "Oh, well, I'm using a networking strategy to find this job. I've done 19 meetings so far." Their thought is going to be, you're the hardest-working person in this company. We haven't hired you yet, but obviously we're going to, because you're the hardest-working person in this building. You made 19 meetings to get a job. I wish our sales team was that motivated.

Kathi: Right. Motivation is the key there, I'll tell you that. That's smart. And I often think the same thing: how can you be unemployed for that long? Because there's lots of jobs out there if you just take the initiative. So, for people who are switching careers, I know you've already hinted at this. A lot of people are leaving, and maybe they know they want out, but they don't know where they want to go or who they want to be when they grow up. What would be the advice that you would give them?

Michael: I would say do what I did last year. On my podcast, The Guy Who Knows a Guy Podcast, each season is basically focused on who I need to meet at that time. So my season three people were people who had been successful telling me how they'd done it, and telling the audience too, but really telling me. You don't need a podcast to do this. You can just do coffee meetings. But just start talking to people. Sure, you can go on the internet and read websites, and you can read books and articles and whatever, and that's not my style. I can't pay attention that long. And usually that information is slightly out of date and filtered, and people will talk about this but don't give you the whole story. So just start talking to people.

Michael: If you're thinking, "You know what, I think being an architect might be interesting. I've never been an architect. I don't have any architectural training, but maybe I want to move my career that way." Well, don't guess and listen to architect podcasts. Call an architect. You probably know someone who is, or know someone who knows someone who is. You don't know an architect, but maybe you know a general contractor or you know a painter or you know someone who lives in a house. I don't know. The closer you can get. Just start getting on calls with people. Tell them up front, "I'm thinking about being an architect. What do you like about it? What do you hate about it? Would you recommend someone get in the industry? What do you wish you knew when you started? For someone of my age, what would be the right path in? Should I go back to school for four or six years, or is there some other path I can take so I don't have to take six to 10 years to get there?" And just start asking advice. Successful people are remarkably generous with their advice. They really, really are.

Successful people are remarkably generous with their advice.

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Kathi: And also, I think shadowing a person for a day and seeing what they actually do all day long is a great thing, because it might end up being a real bore or it might be super exciting.

Michael: Yep.

Kathi: What's the one lesson that life has taught you? What would you think would be your big life lesson so far to date, Michael?

Michael: That everyone is accessible. Not any individual person. So, you pick Tony Robbins: I want to meet Tony Robbins. Well, he's a human. Somebody knows how to reach him. But more importantly, the person you need to reach may not be the famous person you're thinking of. I learned everything I needed to get to where I am through meeting a whole lot of people you've never heard of. Amazing people, successful people, wealthy people. You've probably never heard of any of them unless you listen to my podcast, which you should, because then you'll meet all of them. But I got to meet all these great people, and I have not met any of the big names, and that's fine, because plenty of the medium-size and small names also have what you need. So that's really been the biggest thing: just how accessible the world is.

Michael: And the other thing I'd point out is that there's no formal social strata in our society. There's no caste system. There's no aristocracy. Nobody knows how big or small you are. The old joke in the 90s was, on the internet, no one knows you're a dog. But nobody knows if you're a millionaire or if you're just starting until you tell them. And if you come in with the energy of "I'm a prospective millionaire," as opposed to "I'm just starting and trying something," and you come in with the energy of "I'm going to be doing something, and it's worth your time to talk to me because I'm a pretty cool guy," then people will be like, "All right, sure. I'll give you some advice. I'll help you out. Let's see what we can do."

Kathi: Absolutely. I totally agree with that. Now, what's the biggest organizing obstacle if you had to get organized in your business? What do you think would be the biggest thing you've had to overcome in order to keep yourself moving forward?

Michael: If I had one organizing robot and it could do one organizing thing, I would create a database of my network. So for those out there who are not organized and say, "I can't network because I can't remember names and I can't keep all these people straight," fear not. Neither can I. And a lot of the connections I make, it's a matter of my clients always being in mind. So with everyone I meet, as I make that meeting, I'm thinking, okay, does he, does he, does he? And then I make the connections. And I'll regularly get emails from people saying, "Thank you so much for that introduction you made. I got the job with the guy you introduced me to, and it's working out great, and I really appreciate it."

Michael: And I don't know if you remember the movie where someone's like, "We love you," and he's like, "I love you too, random citizen." That's how I feel about those emails. I've gotten emails, literally, where I don't remember the person I helped or who I introduced them to, because I meet so many people. Which is certainly better than getting angry messages from people you don't remember. I only get happy messages from people I don't remember. But it would be ideal organizationally if every person I met went into a system and was remembered forever, and I could say, okay, I've got 37 people in the database who meet this.

Michael: Which is also for the people who are more organized and less outgoing, who say, "I'm not outgoing enough to be a networker." You can leverage that organization side. You don't have to go to the events and be shaking the hands and be like, "Hey, how you doing?" You don't have to be that person. You could also be much more subdued, but be the librarian of networking, where people know that you have the answer they need if they come to you, and make those connections that way. So if I could combine the organization and the outgoingness, then I would be an unstoppable superhero. So my next step is actually to hire a team to do that.

Kathi: Okay. I have to ask you, what database do you use? Do you use a contact management database?

Michael: I don't, because I have not found any CRM that's not built for sales. They're all sales funnel databases. And the database I would need is something that keeps track of introductions. How do I meet this person? What do they do? What industry are they in? How large is their email list? Who have I already introduced them to? That kind of thing. And networking, you hear about it a lot, but in terms of people actually seriously doing it, it's a very, very small niche, and thus there are not a lot of products to actually assist serious networkers.

Kathi: Okay. I have some ideas for you; possibly we can talk after the show.

Michael: I look forward to that.

Kathi: So what's the best advice that you can give for entrepreneurs who want to be more free within their business? Oftentimes we just get mucked down in our business and burned out and overwhelmed. Do you have any advice for those people, because you're a very energetic guy?

Michael: I am. So I'm going to say two things. One is, to quote Stephen Covey, the seven habits of highly successful people: begin with the end in mind. So having that goal: where are you trying to go? I think a lot of people forget the ultimate goal and they get distracted by whatever is in front of them. So the goal was, "I'm starting a business so that I can work from the beach." Well, if you start a business so you can work from the beach, and then you take on clients who require intensive attention in their offices, you can't do that from the beach. You're working against your interests. So keep that goal constantly in mind: how does this get there? For me personally, one of my key goals was to spend more time with my daughter. And once I really thought about that, I'm like, wait a minute, there's some stuff I could just stop doing right now. It was one of those: when I do this, I can make more money; with more money, I have more time; with more time, I spend more time with my daughter. Or I could just stop doing this thing and spend that time with her.

Michael: And the second thing I'll say is gratitude. Always, always be grateful for what you have, whatever it is. You're an entrepreneur, you have a business; you should be grateful for that. If you're not, if it's that bad, quit, sell it, shut it down, go get a job or do something else. But if it's something you can be grateful for, be grateful for it. And be grateful for all the blessings you have, starting from the basics. You've got a roof over your head, you've got food, you live in a time when you have access to the internet and can connect to all these people. Thirty years ago, you couldn't do that. There's so many things to be grateful for. And when you focus on that gratitude, you're less likely to get burned out, because you're like, "Things are pretty good, and that's the place I'm going, out there. I can see it in the distance. So things are pretty good here, and I can see it out there." And when you put those two things together, the burnout kind of stays at bay. Oh, and take days off occasionally, because no matter how grateful and focused you are, you'll still burn out if you work seven days a week. I know this through experimental knowledge.

No matter how grateful and focused you are, you'll still burn out if you work seven days a week.

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Kathi: Absolutely. And if you feel like you want to spend time with your loved ones, spend time with your loved ones. I think oftentimes as entrepreneurs we buckle ourselves in and batten ourselves down: "I've got to do it, got to do it, got to do it," because we've got this deadline that we've self-imposed upon ourselves. And I totally agree. If you get out and recharge yourself, you have more energy to do what you came here to do, and keep your eye on the prize, so to speak. That's really, really good advice: know your end goal and keep your end goal in mind, and gratitude. Every night before I go to sleep, I try to think of at least five things that I'm grateful for. It's so easy. Even if it's your pillow: I love my pillow. Because what you go to sleep with, you wake up with. So that's really, really good advice from you.

Michael: I appreciate it.

Kathi: So, do you have anything that you would like to offer the audience here that they can download from you?

Michael: I do, as a matter of fact. If they go to guywhoknowsaguy.com, they will find a place where they can put in their email address, and I will send them my Power Five networking tips. So I have this whole book, 100 pages long, that is distilled down to one page. Now, it takes out all the funny jokes and stories, so you should definitely get the book, because that's the much more fun version. But the Power Five networking tips are the key five tips distilled out of that. If you're like, "I don't know, network, maybe network, I don't know," you can get this, take those five tips and use them. Go to events, go to virtual events, and get your networking action going.

Kathi: Perfect. Now, you are energetic, but whenever you feel burned out, what do you do personally?

Michael: Whenever I feel burned out, I very intentionally take time off, which has taken a lot of training, because there's a difference between doing nothing and resting.

Kathi: Yes.

Michael: It's very possible to do nothing and be just as tired, because you spent that time working in your head. So I very intentionally take time off, whether it's seeing a movie or going for a walk. Block out this time and be like, you don't have to do anything right now. "But I need to." Nope. Nope. Nothing. You can stare at the wall. You can watch a movie. You can roll around in the grass. Doesn't matter. So I've worked on training myself, because I hit the point of burnout where I would literally wake up sick in the morning. Not actually sick; my body was just like, "Not today. Not happening. No." And I said, "Oh, maybe this seven-day-a-week thing…" I was working seven days a week for about six months. So I started to hit that point where I was like, you know what? I think I need to bring this in. Because, as my mother used to say, lay down before you fall down.

There's a difference between doing nothing and resting.

Kathi: That's good advice, Mom. Thanks, Mom, for that. I like that. And give yourself permission. We all need to give ourselves permission to lighten up, because this is a game that we're playing here with business. It really is. And it should be fun, and it should be dynamic, and we should be able to call our own shots. That's why we are entrepreneurs to begin with. So if your boss is mean… sometimes I say my boss is really mean, and hey, I'm talking about myself.

Michael: Well, I think some of the challenge too is, what's my job? It's talking to people. It's fun. I'm working right now. Is this working? But even though almost all of it's fun, it's still work. And although I feel like, oh, I can talk to people all the time, some of it is also, frankly, the organizational issues. Always, I've got more emails, and I've got to deal with this, and the structure, and the ADD. But basically, with the work, I'm like, I'm not working. I'm not digging ditches. I'm not dodging bullets. I'm sitting in front of a computer and talking to people and writing. I don't need a break. This is easy. But you still do need a break. No matter how much fun the job is, no matter how easy it is for you, you still have to stop doing it now and then, because you're still just running the same pathways and working the same system over and over again.

Kathi: Work-life balance, baby. We all need work-life balance. We've got to tell ourselves to balance it out. Okay, for my final question: what should I have asked you that I did not, Michael?

Michael: Let's see. What should you have asked me? What did I miss? I think you pretty well covered it. I'm going to give the closing piece of advice I usually share, if I may. A lot of people ask, "How do I become a connector?" You become a connector when you decide to be a connector. When you start asking the question, "Who can I introduce you to who would be valuable?" you become a connector, because once people start asking that, you've got a mission. Someone says, "Oh, I need to meet this person." Well, now you've got a mission. Go ask your friends. Start looking around. Ask them who they need to meet. Now you're a connector. You're a valuable resource. You get all the benefits of being a connector. And that's all it takes: having that right attitude.

You become a connector when you decide to be a connector.

Kathi: Create the mission. I love that. That gives you the end point in mind, back to that end point in mind of why we're doing what we're doing, and it puts you on that path. That's really good. Hey, I really appreciate it. Everybody, make sure to download his very succinct… what?

Michael: One page.

Kathi: One-pager synopsis of the book, and then if you love it, go ahead and buy his book, of course. Hey, I've been talking to the guy who knows a guy, and it has been really fun. Even now I'm a girl who knows a guy. Thank you, Michael, for your time.

Michael: Thank you for having me on.

Kathi: Have a good one.