How to Set Yourself Up for Success and Prevent Burnout with Daniela Wolfe

Kathi: Hi everyone, welcome back. I am excited today to speak with Daniela Wolfe. Today we're going to talk about how to set yourself up for success and, here's the important thing, prevent burnout. Yeah. Daniela helps stressed and burned-out professionals ditch the guilt and overwhelm and productively manage their time and daily tasks with ease, so they have the space and energy for self-care. Yeah, she's speaking my talk. She is a licensed master social worker for over 27 years, working with adults on self-care, stress management skills, mindfulness, relationships, parenting, and simply managing all the chaos that life can send your way. Daniela is a speaker, trainer, and author of the book Balance Breakthrough: A Practical Guide for Busy Professionals to Take Charge of Their Work, Life, and Well-Being. She also hosts a podcast. We're going to jump right into it and meet Daniela. So bear with me. We'll be right there.

Kathi: As promised, I'm here with Daniela. So, welcome to the show.

Daniela: Thank you so much, Kathi. I'm excited for us to connect.

Kathi: It's going to be a fun talk. So tell me a little bit about your background, why you're doing what you're doing right now, at this point in time.

Daniela: Well, as you said in my intro, I've been a social worker for 30-plus years. But unfortunately, I've also been through my own burnout. That was probably about 20 years ago. I was going through a divorce. My kids were super young, four and six months old, and I'm a high achiever. So I'm trying to do it all, be it all, prove that I can handle it, prove that I'm capable of doing all the things. And unfortunately, I was also showing up irritable, snapping at my kids more than I wanted to, and not great at asking for help because of a lot of the internal stories I was telling myself, a lot of those limiting beliefs. And I drove myself straight into my own burnout. So this isn't just what I do for work. This is who I've become. This has been my journey for the last 20 years. I started super small: a simple daily gratitude practice. Three to five things I was grateful for each day. Whether it was the sun is out, because I'm living in the Northeast and that's not always happening. Maybe someone held the door for me. Maybe I had my favorite banana smoothie. Just those small little things. Our grocery store had free child care at the time, so I started using that, and I joined a gym that had free child care. And just those small little shifts of creating that space for myself in my day. Not only did I start to show up better, but my kids did as well. I was doing better at work, and I started to see that ripple effect of how it was benefiting everyone around me. People were coming and asking what I was doing, how I was fitting this in, or sending me pictures of moments they took for themselves because of something I said or did. And I realized we're all looking for that validation and permission that it's okay to take time for ourselves. So that's where a lot of this began.

We're all looking for that validation and permission that it's okay to take time for ourselves.

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Kathi: That's fantastic. Having a four-month-old and a toddler, being a single mom and working, that's a huge, huge load. And I'm a big believer in gratitude as well. Did you start your morning with it, or did you end your day with it, or was it all throughout the day?

Daniela: I started with just ending my day with it. I had this little journal near my bed, and I would just write, like I said, super simple things. And some days, if they were hard and I just couldn't think of stuff, it was great to be able to go back and look at things, because it starts to create that new way of thinking, new way of looking at things. There's so much science behind it now that I've found over the years doing my own research. It activates a part of your brain called the RAS, the reticular activating system. It's like if you've ever gone to buy a new car. If you were going to get a red minivan, all of a sudden you start seeing red minivans everywhere. And it's not because there are more of them. It's because subconsciously that part of your brain is now turned on and looking for them. And it's the same thing with a gratitude practice. The more you start to keep track of it, the more you do start to notice it everywhere, and, like you said, throughout your day, all of a sudden you're like, there, there, there. And creating that new neural pathway, that new way of thinking, is part of that huge shift that I now help people with in the formula that I work within.

Kathi: It's such important work. It really truly is. I feel like I'm pretty optimistic, and I go in and out of doing my gratitude journaling. And when you do it, it really helps you see, oh, I could be thankful for that, or I could be thankful for that. There's always something that you can be grateful for. Always.

Daniela: Always.

Kathi: So talk a little bit about the formula that you've created.

Daniela: It's called the Exhausted to Empowered Formula, and it's made up of three different areas: your mindset, your time planning, and then your self-care. That's where the mindset piece comes in at the beginning, because I believe when you think differently, you feel differently. And when you feel differently, you act differently. So many times people jump straight to the actions. They go straight to that self-care part, and a lot of times they're like, I'm just checking stuff off a list, or I don't feel any differently. So you really need to look at the thoughts behind it. Because if you're doing a yoga class but either feeling guilty or still have your to-do list going through your head, or whatever that negative voice is (I call mine the mean girls in my head), whatever those limiting beliefs or negative thoughts are, you're not going to get those benefits. So really look at your mindset. What comes up for you? What's been ingrained, even at a subconscious level, growing up? Even things like, you have to hustle hard to get ahead, you have to be available 24/7 to show you're committed. What are some of those thoughts when you sit and do nothing? Does guilt start creeping in? Does panic and anxiety come up, almost like, I can't just sit here and do nothing? So we start with your mindset, looking at those thoughts and catching yourself, because we're not perfect. It's not about eliminating them, but being aware of them so you can start to reframe them and create a new thought, a new way of thinking. Then we begin looking at, okay, now that we're thinking differently, how are we going to start to do things differently? And that leads into your time planning. I don't call it time management, because I think that almost assumes a level of control that realistically we just don't have. But we can plan for our time. We can be intentional with what our priorities are, because so many times we just have these long to-do lists of everything, and when everything has the same level of importance, nothing becomes truly important.

When everything has the same level of importance, nothing becomes truly important.

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Daniela: So we prioritize what you need to do that day, maybe your top two to three things. And then I use a time buffer method that incorporates some buffer time. So it's not about stacking your day with things, but having that space in between, so that either, one, if life happens with unexpected things, you have some space and some ease and breathing room to manage it, or you now have free time to integrate self-care. Because when I talk about self-care, it's not about elaborate spa days and massages and getaways. Even though I love those things, they're not practical on a day-to-day basis. Just like you charge your phone every single day, you have gas in your car every day, you eat every single day. You wouldn't eat on Sunday and think you're not going to be starving on Tuesday. You need to be integrating these self-care practices of recharging and investing in yourself throughout every single day. So I teach micro moments in eight very practical areas. Everything from how you eat, how you sleep, how you move, how you dress, how you decorate and organize your home, how you connect with others, how you think about money, as well as that traditional personal development like meditation, mindfulness, gratitude, journaling, those types of things. And when you start to see these different options, you can do them as short as 30-second to one-minute practices, all the way on up. These micro moments can look different in different areas, for different people, on different days. And it makes it so much more obtainable to be consistent with implementing them.

Kathi: Yeah. Just like gratitude: when you're used to writing gratitude, then you're also used to catching those micro moments. Because oftentimes, if you're super busy, and I fall into this, okay, I have two minutes, but I don't do anything with it. Where I should just say, okay, let's get up and stretch and breathe and move, and go into my red light, that kind of thing. Take those opportunities. And I agree. Acknowledging more of them helps you see more of them, so that you can acknowledge more of them. It goes like that.

Daniela: Even just your morning cup of coffee: taking a mindful 30 seconds to actually feel the warmth of your cup, smell it, savor the taste of it, as you listen to it percolating in the machine, or however you make your coffee in the morning. Those types of things. Integrating your senses grounds you in the present at that moment. You could do a one-minute self-care practice where you set a reminder to go off and then set a timer for one minute. And you don't check your email. You don't scroll on social media. You don't throw in a load of laundry. You just sit for one minute. Maybe focus on your breathing. Maybe do some shoulder shrugs. Maybe have some water. You can look outside and do mindfulness that way. Just these small bursts. Science has shown even one minute starts to lower your heart rate, lower your cortisol levels, lower that stress level, and you get the dopamine hit of setting a goal and achieving it. So if you set that reminder five times, now you've got a five-minute self-care practice. Or maybe at the end of a minute, you're like, you know what, I've got another minute. I'm going to take a little walk outside and start to add some movement. Or I'm going to send a text to that friend I've been meaning to catch up with. So there are these small little pockets where you get those bursts of energy, because self-care isn't just about being calm and zen. It's where your confidence comes from, and it's the energy that you bring to whatever situation you're in.

Self-care isn't just about being calm and zen. It's where your confidence comes from.

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Kathi: I'm in full agreement with that. Absolutely. I love the fact that you talk about putting time in between your time blocks. It's so very important. I see it with a lot of people that I work with: they run late, and they get stressed because they haven't put that little buffer of time in there. Which is important, because as you said, Daniela, life happens, and sometimes we're not right on schedule, and we don't need to be stressed out about it. And the way to protect that, I agree wholeheartedly, is that buffer.

Daniela: Well, because then you get bumped to the bottom of your to-do list, because all these other things that come up are all of a sudden more important than you. You get lost in your day, and you crash at the end, and you're like, I don't even know what I did.

Kathi: It's so funny. For those of you who are listening to my podcast, this seems to be a recurring theme in the past three to four podcasts. We're talking about self-care, taking a pause, timeout. And it's all very critical stuff, because as entrepreneurs, we just zoom, zoom, zoom. But speaking of entrepreneurs, I would expect that you were a social worker working for the man, so to speak, working for someone. When did you branch out, and what was the tipping point of you branching out into your own company?

Daniela: I actually still do both. I'm retiring from my full-time job in a year. My business fits in because I find those pockets of time. I'm able to carve out what's important to me, and this is something that I'm passionate about and that's important to me. But along those same lines, one of the other things people don't realize is that burnout can actually come from the things you are passionate about, the things you enjoy.

Burnout can actually come from the things you are passionate about, the things you enjoy.

Daniela: So you have to be really careful when you're doing those types of things, because a lot of times people assume it's from something they don't like. But think about it. If you're at a job you don't always love, five o'clock comes, or whatever, and you're like, bye, I'm out. You've got your boundaries in place. But studies have shown that when you're following your passions, whether it's a business, your kids, a relationship, we can toss our boundaries out the window, and that makes us more susceptible, because you ride those highs and lows so much more intensely. It can be very isolating. I remember talking to a new mom friend, and she said, I think you're my first adult conversation in two days, because she was so all in on her kids. Or if you're in a new relationship and you don't see your friends as much, things like that. So recognize that. When I talk about work-life balance, there are four areas. It's not about everything being equal, but it's about how you adapt, pivot, have resilience, and then those boundaries. Because boundaries is one of my favorite B-words. People give it a bad rap. They think boundaries are bad, that it's a wall, that it's negative. But boundaries are actually so freeing for you and the people around you, as far as what you're saying yes to. Boundaries are about: what are you allowing in? What are you available for? And when you not only communicate and set your boundaries, but respect your boundaries, you teach other people how to treat you. You show them, this is when I'm there for you, and you get 100% of me, versus spreading yourself too thin, checking emails when you're at your kids' soccer game, or trying to do other things at dinner. It's so important to have those boundaries to protect your energy, but also to fill you back up, by knowing that you've created this space for yourself. Like for me, I start and end my day with myself. I have a morning routine that involves some movement, some meditation, and I have a set nighttime routine that has some skincare and reading from an actual book. It might look different every day, though. Some days I might only have 10 minutes, so I find a five-minute yoga practice and a five-minute meditation. Some days I'm really tired, and I might only read three sentences before I fall asleep. Some days it's three paragraphs. Some days it's three pages. But the consistency, the fact that those two things happen every single day, is where you get the benefits from.

Kathi: And I agree that boundaries are not selfish, because the better boundaries you have, the more you can give back. And it also teaches others that they have permission to set up boundaries. I think it's so very important, especially during holiday seasons, to decide what you're going to do and who you're going to see. You're not required to see people that you don't necessarily want to see. And that's a good boundary, because then you're more present for the people that you do love in your life, or that you want to be surrounded with. You have more to give them.

Daniela: Yeah. Yeah.

Kathi: I remember early on, when I had a publishing agency, my biggest lesson was it's okay to say no.

Daniela: And actually, it's very professional to say no.

Kathi: A very professional thing, to know how to say no with grace. And I think that's exactly what you're speaking to right now. So let's talk about your book.

Daniela: Yeah. I was so excited to get this out. I love being able to share this. I try not to gatekeep anything. I want as many people as possible to access these strategies. So I put everything regarding your mental fitness, burnout, finding work-life balance, and then the whole Exhausted to Empowered Formula in this book. It's like a do-it-yourself playbook for helping yourself recognize, prevent, or recover from burnout. It has all the different strategies, and it comes with a digital workbook to really help yourself. So it's not a sit-down-in-a-weekend-and-plow-through-it kind of book. It's one of those where you take some time to try different strategies, do some self-reflection and self-assessment, and then actually start building the habits that are going to help create that success and momentum for you.

Kathi: Yeah, it's going to take practice, for sure. But it's so easy to read and practical, with real-life scenarios for real-life people that have kids and jobs and craziness and chaos.

Daniela: Which all of us do at some point, in some part of our life, if not all the time.

Kathi: Yeah. So how do you celebrate your successes? What do you do whenever you have a success, to pause and celebrate yourself?

Daniela: Ah, that's a good one. I think knowing that I've made a difference for somebody else is really that true success for me. Sometimes I think you're just talking and you feel like, is anyone resonating with this? Is this making an impact? So for me, just that peace of mind, knowing that it made someone's day, someone's life, a little bit easier, is its own celebration. I also love just having that space and practicing what I preach and being with my family, taking that time to be with my husband, my kids, my dogs. All of that is really grounding for me. So that's personally how I choose to celebrate: create more space for myself, and practice.

Kathi: The first part of that, I'm like, oh, she's such a social worker. I have so many friends that are social workers. You guys get such a thrill out of helping others. I think we all do, but you folks give so much to people. And I love that you feel you can stop and give yourself kudos for the progress that you help someone else make. Very important. Okay. So if you had to look back at your life and tell your 18-year-old self a little piece of advice or a tidbit, what would your advice be?

Daniela: Don't hold back. I remember when I was younger, when I first graduated from college, seeing Marie Forleo's B-School, and I was interested in finding out more and things like that, but I held myself back. Only in the last couple of years, becoming an entrepreneur and opening my own business, have I taken that leap. And it's something that I wish maybe I would have looked into sooner, maybe I would have explored sooner. Because at the time, those limiting beliefs, like I said, the mean girls in my head, they were winning when it came to: who was I to do that? What was possible? Those types of things. So I would tell her, don't hold back. Go for it.

Kathi: Go for it now. That's great advice. I think we hold ourselves back in so many different ways, so many different times throughout our life, that it's important to just follow your intuition.

Daniela: Yeah. Because we fall into what's comfortable, even if it doesn't feel like it fits.

Kathi: Yeah, absolutely. So I know that you have a valuable free offer that people can download or get from you. Let's talk about that a little bit.

Daniela: Yeah. It's the Reclaim Your Time in 10-Minute Blocks cheat sheet. It's a great free resource that not only helps you figure out how do I find 10 minutes for myself, but what do I do with it? Because a lot of times, if we don't have a plan, we might get some unexpected free time, but then all of a sudden we're doing some chores, scrolling on our phones, and we've lost the opportunity to really use that time intentionally. So it gives you some ways. And it doesn't always have to be alone. I think a lot of times people take that word self a little too literally, but self-care can be done with others. It can be loud. It can be laughter. You can do it with your kids. Like I said, this was part of my journey as my kids were growing up, and we've talked about how it's influenced how they cope and manage their stress now, the things they do. So teach them, because they do what you do and not always what you say, by modeling for them and doing these types of things together and making it part of those family practices and habits. One of the ones we have is that you always get three tries for a new recipe, which sounds really silly. But giving yourself grace, I think, is also something we don't appreciate enough, as far as how powerful that can be. So it's a great way, like I said, to find 10 minutes and what to do with it.

Kathi: Yeah. Having a plan in advance for when you get that little windfall of 10 minutes. I think that's super important. That's a great little download. Make sure to check that out, you guys, because it's like having a plan for your non-planned time.

Daniela: Yeah.

Kathi: You're speaking my kind of language right there. We all need to have a plan. That's wonderful. Is there anything that you wanted to talk about that I haven't asked you, or that we haven't covered?

Daniela: I think I just want to talk about grace a little bit more, because like I said, I think it gets underappreciated and underutilized. We don't recognize that we talk to ourselves more than we talk to anybody else in the whole entire world. And yet, for whatever reason, we're not nearly as kind with ourselves as we are to everybody else. So know, as you're on this journey looking at these practices, that you don't have to be perfect. Nobody's perfect. I'm not perfect. Progress over perfection. Give yourself the grace to mess up. Give yourself the grace to try something new and not be good at it right away. I think we've lost that as we get older. And just enjoy doing the things you enjoy doing, regardless of what other people think or who else is involved. Really get back into just being comfortable in your own skin and who you are, the imperfect mess that we all can be, and allow yourself that grace, that it doesn't always have to be perfect.

We talk to ourselves more than we talk to anybody else in the whole entire world.

Kathi: Yeah. And as you said earlier, turn off that little mean girl in your head and make her nice. Make her full of grace, so she says, oh, wasn't that great what you just did, Daniela? That's fantastic.

Daniela: Or add the word yet. I'm not good at this yet. It's so powerful in allowing yourself to not have to worry about having it right, right away.

Kathi: That's so succinct. Giving yourself grace is saying the word yet. Yet gives you grace right then.

Daniela: Yeah.

Kathi: That's fabulous. Wow. I learned a lot from you, girlfriend.

Daniela: Oh, I'm so glad. I'm so glad. Like I said, I love helping share this with everybody, because I'm enjoying so many different parts of my life, and I would love for everybody to feel like that, rather than, oh, I'll get to that when the kids get older, or when I retire. We have one life. Let's go for it now.

Kathi: Well, and you're a living example that you can do a lot of things. You can launch a business while you're working. For those of you who are working out there, listen to her, because she did it with kiddos. She's launching, she has a family, she has a full-time job, and she's able to do it, and she's successful at it. So I'm so happy you're a guest.

Daniela: Oh, I'm so happy to be here, Kathi. Thank you.

Kathi: Thank you, you guys. Until next week, we will see you then. Tune in, same time, same bat channel, and look forward to meeting the next guest. This has been a real pleasure, Daniela. So thank you for your time.

Daniela: Thanks, Kathi.

Kathi: Absolutely.