The Benefits of Organizing Your Energy with Stephanie McAuliffe

Kathi: Hi everyone. I'm back and I'm with Stephanie McAuliffe, and we're going to talk about energy. Yes, the benefits of organizing your energy. Have you ever thought about that? We're going to jump into it. So, hi Stephanie. Thanks for joining.

Stephanie: Hi Kathi. It is great to be here.

Kathi: Fantastic. So let's talk about your background. You're from a completely different background than the energy stuff that you're doing right now. So talk to me a little bit about your path and how you got to where you are.

Stephanie: I am an ex Wall Street executive, 27 years. I started out as a COBOL programmer and worked my way up through project and program management, and my last role was managing an $85 million global tax transformation program.

Kathi: Woo.

Stephanie: And the connection between what I did then and what I do now: it's still all putting together the pieces of the puzzle. And so that served me for a long time until it didn't. Within a year of each other, my 10-year marriage and my 27-year career ended. And I was left with a lot of space. And it was a what the f do I do with myself now?

Kathi: That sounds so familiar to me, because a similar thing happened to me. But what is global tax transformation? Is that what you said? What does that mean?

Stephanie: It is. So I worked for a large insurance company, and the way that they processed their tax information for this international firm was not current state. We'll put it that way. And there was a larger finance transformation initiative happening as well. So all of the different departments within the company were putting in workflow and process and simplification. Sometimes it complicated things as well. And my area was the tax department.

Kathi: Okay, that's interesting. I've never really heard that phrase, so thanks for clarifying. So when it hit the fan, so to speak, what was the impetus? Had you been doing a lot of inner work and then things just happened, or how did it transpire that you lost a career, lost a guy? How did that work?

Stephanie: The work really started, I would say, 11 years ago or so. Our first five years of our marriage were great. And then it really came to: I need to either save him or save myself. And at first I tried to save him. And I thought that was going to be my life's work, to work with families and spouses of alcoholics. It's what my first book was about. It's what I grew up around. It's what I knew. And that continued for another couple of years. So I was starting to do a lot of my own inner work. And then finally I just said, "You know what? It's going to kill you or it's going to kill me. And I need to save myself."

Kathi: Yeah.

Stephanie: And so at least at that point I had the safety, quote unquote safety, of my career. And then a year later the program was complete, and a lot of the work was complete within finance across the organization, and I was looking for another role within the organization and nothing was coming in. And so I went into my boss's office one day and said, "You know what? If it helps you make your numbers," because we knew RIFs were coming, "give me a package."

Kathi: Yay. Right.

Stephanie: And that gave me a lot of space. And then there was the holy crap, what am I going to do with myself? So sometimes we make a decision and we don't really realize what it is we're opening up for ourselves. And yet it's all been perfect.

Kathi: Yeah, that's great. So when I had the space of a year off for the first time in my life, it took me three months to settle into not being busy. How did that work for you?

Stephanie: It took me a little longer, because I still hadn't gone through the grief of the end of my marriage.

Kathi: Oh yeah, you had that too.

Stephanie: So there was that to process, as well as what do I want to do when I grow up? So I took a little bit more time. I did a consulting gig for about six months, and then the space really opened up.

Kathi: Wow. That's pretty amazing. And my first three months, my husband said, "You know what? If you're not going to take the time off, you take a job working for the man and I'll take the time off." And I was finally able to settle into it. But it's funny how we get caught up in being busy, doing the doing.

Stephanie: Yes. Doing.

Kathi: We're doers.

Stephanie: Yeah. And I find that's typically a trauma response, because when we're busy and when we're doing things, we don't have to pay attention to the things that we haven't wanted to look at. And that's part of managing our energy. And so then the universe gives us space, and we can either look in the mirror, or look within, or fill up our time. And I, like you, filled up my time for a while.

When we're busy and when we're doing things, we don't have to pay attention to the things that we haven't wanted to look at.

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Kathi: I hadn't thought about the repercussions of trauma: that you do just stay busy so you don't have to look at where you are. Interesting. So, okay. So you finally settle into it, and then what happened? How did you find your way to your work? Well, you decided you were going to write the book about helping.

Stephanie: I did. So I wrote The Message in the Bottle, and I worked for a while with spouses of alcoholics. And it's interesting, because I had gone to Al-Anon, I had gone to therapy, and then I started entering into energy work, and more of it was experiencing it. And then I decided to take Reiki 1, because I figured I can do some self-healing, and then Reiki 2, and all the way up through. I'm a Holy Fire III Karuna Reiki Master. And I like to say that energy work completed the sentence.

Kathi: I was going to say, I just love the title of your book, The Message in the Bottle. I think that's brilliant.

Stephanie: The fact that energy work completed the sentence is meant to be a metaphor, because a lot of the people that I work with have done all this work and they've gotten to a point, like I had, of: I felt like I was running into a wall. Why can't I move past this? And so even for those of us who have grown up around alcoholism, and or heavy drinking, you could call it functional alcoholism, whatever you want, people drink because they're numbing their pain. So really, it's always a question of what's underneath, because what's really driving the decisions that we're making? What's really driving the people that are around me? What's driving my choices? And so the work that I do now is really helping people uncover that, because I don't want anyone, first of all, to ever feel as alone as I did. Because when you get to a certain level within your career, there are fewer spaces where it feels safe to share what's really going on.

Kathi: Absolutely.

Stephanie: Family wants you to stay where you are, because it gives them a level of comfort and safety. The people at work, well, especially for women on Wall Street or in upper management, there are fewer and fewer spaces for them. And a lot of my friends didn't really understand. They're like, "Well, you've got this house, you've got your husband, you've got your career, you're making money. What's wrong?" And so to help people discover what's really been in the way is why I do the work that I do.

It's always a question of what's underneath, because what's really driving the decisions that we're making?

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Kathi: And that is why you call it organizing your energy pattern. Talk about how the process works. Well, first off, I've had an aha moment. We had lost our company after 9/11, and it was traumatic, and I didn't even put it together that I experienced trauma from that. I'm just like, okay, companies go. And I had never really thought about it as traumatic, even though it really was. So thank you for that. That gave me some insight. So how does the clearing and the organizing of the energy process work with you?

Stephanie: So for instance, when a client comes to me, it's: what's your biggest challenge right now? What do you think is in the way? And where do you want to be? And it's really exploring those three questions. And one of my gifts is to very quickly bring people to the awareness of what's really in the way. And then I also get insights. So part of it is what's the story behind it, and connecting what I call the pieces and parts of our spiderweb, because people will do things or things will happen that 95% of it really has nothing to do with us, and yet it deeply affects us. And when we don't have an opportunity to give a voice to things that have happened, especially as young children, we internalize that energy. It's like swallowing a bubble. And then when the bubble pops, all the energy that created it is left to stick within us.

Stephanie: And so it is the process and the journey of connecting with what's really in the way, and then layering the energies that sometimes are past life, this life, a combination, and people project things all the time that we take on. And so it's really this full cycle of the awareness, looking at the spiderweb, and what I call going into the deep blue ocean and seeing our part in it as well. Burning away the energies, which creates space then for us to be able to step into the next level of ourselves, which is really a remembering of who we truly are from underneath those stories we've carried.

Kathi: Yes. Back to the I am. So tell me a story about one of your clients. I know you were just speaking at the top, before we started recording, about an energy session that you had this morning. Or tell us any story of what has happened with one of your clients.

Stephanie: So I'm going to go back to a client I worked with a few years ago who is a trained hypnotist, and she has done a lot of energy work on her own, and she had an energetic connection with her mother that she thought she was going to have to live with for the rest of her life. And we did a session and an energy cord cutting, and I had the vision, because a lot of times I'll see what the situation is that needs to be cleared or worked on. And I saw her in her mother's womb, and when we're in the womb a lot of times we're head down and our feet are up, and I saw dark energy being passed from her mother's heart into my client's feet and into her body. And we cleared those energies. I've worked with other clients who took on a lot of really negative messages from their parents when they were young. And so we've worked through those stories and cleared those energies.

Kathi: We all have. We all do. A negative story from our parents.

Stephanie: We do. And sometimes it's really just them, and there's no ill will. And yet we can go back to it. It goes further than the generation that fought World War I, and they're called the silent generation. They went to war under the guise of creating freedom for the world and saw atrocities that they couldn't speak about when they came back. And it has continued through World War II and McCarthyism and Korea and Vietnam. And I put those out of order.

Kathi: It's okay.

Stephanie: And it's the generational silencing of the trauma that we've experienced that continues to be passed down from generation to generation.

Kathi: And I always feel like everyone is doing the best that they can with the tools that they have.

Stephanie: Absolutely. They're doing the best that they can with the tools that they have.

Kathi: But I think it's remarkable that, well, masters hire masters. So the fact that your client was a really good hypnotist, and stellar in her field, still calls on help from a Reiki master, from other people. That's what we do. And for those of you who are listening out there, if you feel like there's just some kind of block in any area of your life, reach out to someone who's masterful in whatever: organizing space, organizing your workspace, organizing your resume. I mean, whatever. You can't do it all on your own. I'm a firm believer: masters always hire masters. The most successful people in the world will hire those who can do what they cannot do, because that's how you grow.

Stephanie: Absolutely. And we can't do everything. I have a coach. I work with other energy healers. I've worked with healers and masters around the world. And I continue to learn. I continue to be a sponge, because that helps me. And as much as society would like us to think that we need to be lone wolves and do everything on our own and not ask for help, to your point, we are not meant to do it all alone.

Kathi: Nor could we.

Stephanie: Nor should we even want to.

Kathi: Exactly. I mean, I've always been a soloist, but I know that it takes a tribe. It takes other people to help me. And I think we all have coaches for that. At least if you're listening out there and you don't have a coach for something, find a coach for anything and you'll end up growing and moving. And even if it's not the perfect coach at the time to help you transform, you will be led to the person that will help you transform in whatever area you need to transform in.

Stephanie: Absolutely.

Kathi: Answer me this, Stephanie. If you had to tell your teenage self a tip or give her some advice, what would you say now to that little girl?

Stephanie: Don't take it personally.

Kathi: I love that. I was just writing that to somebody today: that it's never about you. It's always about them.

Stephanie: It rarely is. Although we're catalysts for each other. So I can say something that triggers someone else, and sometimes, if they're aware and conscious, they may look at it and say, "Oh, I'm triggered. What is here for me?" People who aren't, a lot of times, will project back. The person who projects back is acting out of their own internalized energy. And like I said before, it may affect us. It's not about us.

The person who projects back is acting out of their own internalized energy. It may affect us. It's not about us.

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Kathi: So yes, don't take it personally. Absolutely. So you've accomplished a lot, and you obviously came from an analytical background as well as having now the metaphysical background. What do you use now to keep yourself organized?

Stephanie: I have a lot of things. I have a morning practice where I give gratitude for the day, and that helps to clear my mind. I journal in the morning, or sometimes in the afternoon, and that helps to clear a lot, especially if I want to meditate. I'll journal beforehand, because that clears my mind.

Kathi: Oh, that's interesting.

Stephanie: Yes. A lot of people I talk with try to meditate, and I ask, have you thought about journaling for five minutes beforehand, doing a brain dump? I have an evening practice where I give gratitude for the day, and I will clear my energy from other people and call mine back. I love lists. I have Excel spreadsheets with project plans. I also look around, and if I find a pile that I don't want to deal with, I ask the question of what's really underneath this? Why don't I want to deal with it? And that helps me to organize my own energy, because that's the question of what's underneath this. It's not just a pile. Do I not want to deal with a project? I still struggle with email. I'm a work in progress. I think we all are. And yet lists and journaling and clearing my energy, I would say, are the three biggest things I do to organize my life. And that's how you organize your energy.

Lists and journaling and clearing my energy, I would say, are the three biggest things I do to organize my life.

Kathi: Yeah, I love that. A pile is a symbol of things left undone: procrastination, avoidance. So getting to the bottom of why it's sitting there, I think, is profound, of course. And it will help you either accept that you're not going to deal with it but know why, or generally it makes you just deal with it.

Stephanie: It does. And I'll put things into three categories: either do it now; throw it away, swipe left, however you want to call it, it's I'm not going to do it, and admit that I'm not going to do it and it's okay; or it may be a work on it later, because, and this goes back to doing, we can't do everything all at once.

Kathi: And I think organizing your energy is more about being. And once you can be a being, and this is my path and my journey, to become more of a being than a doing, then you're able to get more done, which is ironic, isn't it?

Stephanie: Absolutely. And I use the analogy of doing as trying to balance a coin or a teeter-totter, and eventually it's going to fall one way or the other. And all of the energy that we expend to try to keep something centered. Work-life balance is a fallacy. I would rather step into harmony. And nature is always harmonious. When something gets out of balance, the pendulum will swing to bring it back. So I feel like there's a harmony in being.

Kathi: That's beautiful. I'm with you on that. Let's exchange work-life balance for harmony. I'll embrace that.

Stephanie: Absolutely. Because I think of my Wall Street days of work-life balance as: I was working 12 or 14 hours a day, and then I was trying to step into wife or cook or whatever, and there was no balance. I was just exchanging one for the other, and then trying to. No harmony.

Kathi: Yeah, I love that. So when you experience your success, what do you do to celebrate?

Stephanie: I have the gratitude practice at night. I will sometimes take myself out to dinner, or buy a nice bottle of wine and have a glass of it. Get together with friends. I'll go out on a hike in nature. Nature is amazing. I have a cherry tree that's in bloom right outside of my deck, and it's just starting to smell amazing, and I'll go sit out there and be.

Kathi: Yeah. And I see you like live music too, which spurred me. I'm always trying to find live music. It's really interesting how it's sometimes difficult to find, even here in San Diego. I think I might start incorporating that into my celebratory moments. It's like, I'm going to go find a band. I don't care who it is. Just give me a guy with an acoustic guitar. Any kind of live music is just a phenomenal thing. So that tipped my brain when I was reading your bio.

Stephanie: I love that. And there's a harmony in music as well, and it helps to realign ourselves.

Kathi: Yeah, absolutely. Good celebration. Okay, so I know that you have something to offer the people listening. What is it that they can download or get or receive from you?

Stephanie: On my website, which is Way of the Diamond Warrior, there is an energy leaks assessment that people can go and take. It's five questions that relate to five life areas, and they receive a report and some follow-up emails as well that go a little bit deeper into each of the questions. Energy leaks means we're leaking our power in some way, and sometimes we don't realize where or how it might be. So just like you had the awareness in and around your business and 9/11, sometimes it's a word or a sign on a billboard or something that sparks a remembrance. And then once we have that awareness, it's like the door cracking open. Then we can go deeper.

Kathi: That's fantastic. And even if we don't feel like we have energy leaks, we do, some way or another. So I think the assessment would be good for anybody and everybody listening, just to get a little clue into yourself and into your soul and into your energy on what's really happening. I know that we like to put a lot of masks up within ourselves. It's like, I've got to look at that part. So I think that's a really valuable resource. Now, is there anything that I should have asked you, or anything that was burning on your mind at the top of this podcast, that you wanted to talk about that we haven't discussed?

Stephanie: Allow yourself the space to trust the nudges, because that is spirit, the universe, consciousness, whatever you want to call it, cracking open a window for you. And like you just said, sometimes we resist and we don't want to look, but we actually spend a lot more time and energy resisting what we don't want to see. It's rarely as big as we think it is.

Kathi: Exactly. Right.

Stephanie: It's like the person I worked with this morning told me about a dream that she had, and she was making this big thing. And I said, "But if you look underneath what you saw in your dream, it was really that this person was trying to invade your energetic space." She was like, "Oh." So even giving it a voice, in a couple of minutes she let go of this story that she was creating that didn't need to be created.

Kathi: We make things so larger than life sometimes, don't we? We love the drama of it all. It's like, oh, let's just relive this, and then let's make it bigger. Then let's relive it again, and then let's put another spin on it, just in case that first spin wasn't harmful enough.

Stephanie: And that's why it's so important to manage our energy. It's part of the human condition. And this is where we get to laugh, really, at some of the things that we've told ourselves.

Kathi: Yeah. The recurring theme that we keep saying over and over to ourselves. It's not even true, probably, most of the time.

Stephanie: It isn't. And sometimes it's the energy that wants to be cleared. So part of it as well is an opportunity to break a cycle, and then you're clearing not only yourself, you're clearing the generations before and after you. And what a gift that is.

Kathi: That's a huge gift. Huge gift. Well, this has been impactful, and I always enjoy speaking with you. Love, love, love your energy, of course. And if you guys are listening but you're not seeing, go to YouTube and watch this, because you'll be able to see the radiance that's happening here. Check it out on YouTube on the channel, and if you like this interview, go ahead and subscribe. Go ahead and give us a review and comment, please. I very much appreciate it. I just celebrated my 75th podcast, and I just love having you on, Stephanie. So thank you so much for your time, and thank you guys for listening. I will see you again, of course, next week. Same time, same bat channel. We'll see you there.

Stephanie: Thank you.

Kathi: Thanks, Steph.