How To Declutter Your Inside World To Create Your Outside World With Carol Metz Murray

Kathi: Hi everyone, this is Kathi, and as I said, we're back with Carol Metz. You're going to love this interview because we're going to talk about how to clear the clutter from the inside out. And I'm going to talk about, of course, always how to clear the clutter from the outside in. So Carol is an amazing person. I'd like to introduce you. So welcome to the show, Carol.

Carol: Well, thank you so much, Kathi, for having me here with you. I'm excited to spend some time with you because I've met you and you are an incredible woman. So yay to all the listeners. I'm excited to be here with you.

Kathi: Oh, back at you, Carol. We're like mutual admiration society girls here. So I know about your background, but tell the audience here a little bit about your journey and why you're doing now what you're doing.

Carol: Oh, great. Well, thank you for that question. So my journey has been one of starting out with a really, really wonderful childhood growing up on a farm, and as the years progressed, unfortunately trauma came into my life, which really impacted me significantly. And as that little girl, I closed my heart and then stepped into relationships as I knew them, based on silence and abuse. And of course, as one deals with traumas and things that happen in life, I developed a variety of different methods to cope, and patterns. And one of them that I developed was being a workaholic. The other was that I constantly had to prove to everyone that I could do it and that I was enough. And I found myself in leadership positions very early in my life.

Kathi: That's interesting, that you went from the silent person to being in leadership. So sorry, just continue on. That was interesting.

Carol: Very interesting, when I look at my life. And from there I also stepped into a marriage.

Kathi: The repeat pattern, right?

Carol: Yes. A repeat pattern. The gift that I received out of that marriage was four beautiful children. And then I ended up raising my children on my own, which certainly was a struggle. However, I was very committed to raising them and ensuring that they had a good life. So I built my career and worked, and as well I also made a commitment to myself that I would get an education. So life was full. So talk about the workaholic, and talk about the pressures, and talk about the trauma that I had not dealt with. So one day that all came to a crashing crash. I hit bottom, and I had burnt myself out so badly, Kathi, that I was like a ripe tomato being thrown at a wall, and I just splattered everywhere. Quite frankly, I didn't even remember my name. In the midst of all of that, though, I had made a commitment to myself. I would complete my thesis for my master's program.

Kathi: Holy smokes. You raised four kids as a single mom and got your master's?

Carol: Yes.

Kathi: And worked full-time, probably?

Carol: Yes. And worked full-time as well. And I don't know how I completed it. So obviously there was someone guiding me to help me complete it, but I did complete it. But hitting rock bottom, Kathi, really made me stop and re-evaluate my life, because the road I was headed down was not a very good road at all, and the end result was it could get worse than it already was. So I made a decision at that point that I needed to really, truly discover and find out who I was. So when I look at Naked Leadership, that really is the beginning of decluttering the inside to find out who I was. Who am I authentically? Who am I? Where are my vulnerabilities? Where's my courage? And as well, where's my heart in all of this? And I began that whole process then of opening up who I was.

When I look at Naked Leadership, that really is the beginning of decluttering the inside to find out who I was.

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Carol: And in that process, for about two years, I had a spot on my chest over my heart that hurt when I touched it. And I finally realized that was the opening of my heart, because medically nobody knew what it was.

Kathi: Interesting.

Carol: The more I dug into me, the less that hurt. And really it was for me a sign, again a sign from the universe, that I was on the right path, discovering who I was, learning that I didn't need to do it all, that I could ask for help, and that really, truly inside of me was the wonderful, authentic me. And that's been my journey ever since, and I get so excited and so passionate to help others discover that within them.

Kathi: I absolutely love that story. What a brave, brave woman. It's so funny, one of my mentors said to me last week that your body is the battleground your mind plays war on. The heart, mind, soul connection, heart, mind, soul, body connection is so powerful. And it's interesting. I've interviewed so many people, and there's been so much trauma in this world, and the fact that you were able to stop, well, you were made to stop and listen, which sadly, that's what happens to us. We're made to stop and listen. Okay, screeching halt. Got to pay attention now, got to figure this stuff out, because we can't keep going the way that we're going. But one thing, as I said earlier, that really strikes me about your story is that you go from trauma and shutting down to leadership. Even before you were healed, you stepped into leadership, because then you became the overachiever type of girl. So everybody's like, oh, she knows what she's doing, she can do anything, which is true. And I don't know, sometimes trauma can be turned into a blessing, as you did, because you do become strong.

Carol: And I would agree. I agree 100 percent. To go through that trauma, it actually can be a gift if you look at it from that perspective. That wasn't always so. As I looked at the trauma, and as I worked my way through it, and as I let it go, I also realized that those experiences do not define me. I walked through them, and here I am. I'm a stronger person for them. I truly am who I am really as the gift from the traumas. So it depends how we come through the traumas and what we're willing to let go of. And that's, quite frankly, the journey of the remainder of your life, really and truly it is. So again, I encourage anyone and everyone listening that you can work through trauma. You can say goodbye now: I don't need you anymore. Thank you so much for being here with me for that part of my journey, but now I'm moving on to a different journey. And the universe is always, always with us. And as you just said before, Kathi, it was the universe who finally got my attention, the really hard way, because I hadn't been listening.

As I let it go, I also realized that those experiences do not define me. I walked through them, and here I am.

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Kathi: Right. They'll just keep knocking you over the head until you're like, oh, what do you want? Oh, I should pay attention now. My body is failing, or my mind is failing, or I feel like a tomato smashed against a wall. I mean, that's a really vivid image, and I know that a lot of people have been there. And I think even if we haven't experienced huge trauma, it's all about letting go of the past anyhow. I mean, the past is only what we think of it, and our life is only our reaction to it. So do we want to be in the present moment and get over all that crap in the past and move forward, as you did? Now, I love Naked Leadership. I love that name for your company. How did that come about for you?

Carol: Well, it was one day, as I was letting go of experiences, the word naked just came through, and I thought, oh, well, yes, that's really what's going on inside of me. I'm clearing out, I'm letting go, and I'm becoming naked on the inside. And just as a qualifier, Kathi, when I talk about Naked Leadership, I always tell the audience they keep their clothes on. This is the inside, not the outside.

Kathi: That's funny. I hadn't even gone there, but I'm sure that people listening have. We're going to strip down, girls, and we're going to get naked, and we're going to be leaders because we can embrace our full body. It's not about that. I totally get that. I think it was divine. My original organizing consultancy was called Add Space to Your Life, and I know that that was a gift as well to me, to name my company that, because that's what I knew made me who I was. I was able to add space, stop, add some space, get some clarity, figure out what do I want to do when I grow up. And that's how I became an organizer. But the space for me was important, and I think the nakedness of you breaking down was important. So if any of you out there feel like you want a name for your company, listen to what your intuition says. Add Space to Your Life, Naked Leadership: it resonates, and then you know what it really means. And when you know what your company name means to you, I think that then you broadcast your pure intention out to the world of what you're doing with your company. It's why I changed my company to Organized and Energized during COVID, because I needed some more energy around my business, and that's why I shifted. I'm like, am I crazy to rebrand myself? But at the same time, it's like, yeah, I need to get organized and energized myself. I need to bring that forth. I've added space to my life; now let's get some energy into it. But I love Naked Leadership. So enough about me. Sorry, I went off, but I think the words thing is so important. So talk to me, Carol, about what you do with Naked Leadership, what people experience when they work with you.

Carol: So when I work with people, I do it in a variety of different ways. Certainly some is through programs, some is one-on-one coaching, and I also do consulting. So in the world of programs and coaching, what someone can expect as I work with them is that I am there as their guide. I am there as that individual that walks with them and helps them uncover that naked leader within, because that's not my journey, it's their journey. So it's done through a narrative process: the client is coming to me with questions, and yes, we look at the situation, we look at what possibilities there might be that the client identifies that would help them to move through the situation they're in. And then we work with them through what I refer to as a shift program, which can be a mind shift, a mindset shift. And then we look at, with the client, what will work for the client to actually lock that in and change the mindset or change a behavior. Now, in some ways it sounds simplistic, but quite frankly it can be very involved, and for me it is always the client experience, always. It's not about me. What I do with the client is I hold radical space, and I'm a radical listener, because there's all sorts of things that I can pick up from a client. It's what they say. It's also what they don't say. It's also their tone of voice. It's also how they pause between words. There's all sorts of nuances that come up, which I then get to question. For example, on Saturday I was talking, and this wasn't even a coaching session, but I was talking with someone who had given a presentation, and we were having a one-on-one. And I asked them about a comment that they had made in their presentation, and their eyes glazed over. They knew exactly what I was speaking about. And when their eyes glazed over, as I'm watching them, I said, "What's the resistance inside of you in regards to what you said?" And I could see some tears coming, and I said to them, "Okay, I understand. Give me a call. We'll talk more about it." But the point is, Kathi, as I'm sure you already know in your work, as you've said earlier, the body-mind connection is very strong, and our body speaks without us even realizing that we are speaking. It is sometimes shouting so loud that we aren't hearing it, because the answers are within us. And so for me, it really is being there with the client and walking them through. And I've just had some wonderful successes with clients, where one client came back to me when we completed our time together and said, "Thank you so much for believing in me and believing in my dream. You're the first person in my life who never questioned my dream. You saw the possibilities in me, and you kept moving me forward." So that is what I do. I take that into the work that I do, say, with a consulting client as well, working with individuals to discover what it is that's going on for them, that they're struggling in, say, engagement with the rest of their work team, or why the team is not engaging, and really bringing out from each one what's going on for them, and then finding that common ground in how they can move themselves forward.

I'm a radical listener, because there's all sorts of things that I can pick up from a client. It's what they say. It's also what they don't say.

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Kathi: Uh-huh. It's like an excavation of the mind, right? I do the excavation of the external environment. You excavate the mind. What's that stuff back there that's happening? What story are you holding on to that perhaps isn't quite serving you?

Carol: That's right. And sometimes the stories don't serve us because they're really old. Where are they from? And as you said earlier, it really is important that we live in the present. The stories are stories. They happened in the past. They no longer serve us, because here we are. We have so much to give, so much to give and contribute to ourselves, to our families, to the world, that standing in the stories and having them keep us stuck doesn't serve anybody, most of all us.

Kathi: Yeah, absolutely. I love the work that you do. You're so calm and so gentle, and I can see how it would be really, really beneficial for anyone to connect with you to just work through their stuff. So if you had to tell your teenage self, Carol, a piece of advice from now to her, what would you say?

Carol: I would say to her, first and foremost, is stop. Just stop and take an inventory of who you are, and really see the gifts that you have.

Kathi: We're all imbued with gifts.

Carol: Yes, we all are imbued with gifts. Absolutely. And I would say to her, live in the present. Live in that present moment. And the other thing I would say to her is shut out the chatter from the outside that comes in to tell you that you need to be this or you need to be that, or you're not excelling enough. Really begin to claim who you are in your teenage years.

Kathi: I still can't believe that you raised four kids and got a master's. What was your master's in?

Carol: Public administration.

Kathi: Wow. A leader, girl. You're a leader.

Carol: And the story behind the master's was that we were living in the Yukon at the time. I was living in Dawson City, Yukon. To do the master's, I had to travel to Whitehorse, which was a thousand-kilometer round trip, on the weekends.

Kathi: Wow. How old were your kids when this happened?

Carol: They were in their late teenage years.

Kathi: Well, thank goodness for that.

Carol: Yes, they were kind of self-policing. Kind of.

Kathi: Oh, wow. Well, that's just an incredible thing. So you've done a lot. You've accomplished so much. Wow, this just blows me away. So as far as an organizing tactic, you obviously have juggled things throughout your life over and over and over again. What's your favorite way to stay organized? How do you hold it all together?

Carol: That is a really, really great question. For me, to stay organized, I actually need accountability.

Kathi: You know what? So do all of us, quite frankly, whether we realize it or not.

Carol: And how I stay organized is putting in place an accountability partner. That has both of us setting goals, and then we either meet on a daily basis or we will meet on a weekly basis. And at that time we review our progress, we will set additional goals, and if we've had some struggles, we will talk about them. But that truly keeps me organized, and it's one way of knowing that someone else is there, that you're not walking the path all by yourself. And we weren't ever intended to walk the path all by ourselves. Individually, who we are is us, but quite frankly, we are about connections. So for me, being accountable means that I need to be responsible to me and then accountable to me, but to someone else as well.

We weren't ever intended to walk the path all by ourselves.

Kathi: I love that. You're the first person that said that, and I totally am with you on accountability. I think it's a brilliant tool. It's an amazing tool that we can use, and it helps the other person. So it's like win-win, right? Love that. So whenever you reach a goal, whenever you make an accomplishment, I know in the past you probably accomplished, accomplished, and didn't really celebrate. What do you do now to celebrate whenever you reach a landmark or a goal that you've set for yourself?

Carol: Well, one of the things that I love to do when I reach a goal is to get out in nature, to just get out and rebalance and just bring in the earth's energy. That just lights up my soul. Other times it might be that I will call up a group of friends and we'll go for a walk, or we might go out and enjoy a meal. So it all depends. It's not just one thing. But generally it will involve people and it will involve nature. It might even involve animals, where I might just go find a horse that I can talk to. That sounds, people are going, what's she talking about?

Kathi: No, I'm with you. I love talking to horses. I have a little pony horse that I just discovered lives down the street, which is weird because I'm in the suburbs. And yeah, there's this little pony horse. I'll go talk to him, for sure.

Carol: Absolutely. And quite frankly, you can make a very strong connection with a horse, because a horse's emotional field is twice the size of your field. So in essence, they know what's going on in you, and they will come and they will talk, and they'll let you know if you haven't figured it out yet. But they're also just wonderful soul animals.

Kathi: Yes, aren't they, though? And they know before you even walk up to them where you're coming from or what state you're in.

Carol: That's right. Absolutely. They know.

Kathi: I think that's fantastic. What's your favorite nature setting? Where do you find yours most easily? For me it's a pine forest. That's my ultimate nature setting.

Carol: Actually, mine is a forest: getting deep into the forest and being there and listening to the sounds and just taking it all in. You know, Kathi, some years back, on a leadership retreat, we got to spend time in the forest by ourselves. I think it was for four or five hours, and it was just sitting there and listening, and you could actually hear the bugs crawl on the leaves. And I thought, we don't take near enough time to really, really just get so connected to the earth and understand and listen to what's going on. So yes, it's very powerful for me.

Kathi: I'm glad it's becoming more of a thing, tree bathing. So as we wind down, I know that you have something that you can offer the audience here for anybody who wants to connect with you. What is it that you'd like to offer the people?

Carol: Well, I would like to offer the audience an article. It's on Naked Leadership, but it's all about courage, because one doesn't have Naked Leadership without courage.

Kathi: No doubt.

Carol: That's right. And so it's the three keys to unlock your courage. And those three keys are also supported by decision making. So it's three keys to make decisive action, to put courage into play. And you can find that article on my website at carolmetzmurray.com/debunking-courage.

Kathi: Okay. And I'll put the link below if you want the link, on Buzzsprout. It'll be right there on my YouTube channel. It'll be right there. So if you need to find that, that's where you can find it. It'll be right below the podcast on certain channels. So, Carol, say it again.

Carol: It's carolmetzmurray.com/debunking-courage.

Kathi: Okay, perfect. Perfect. Make sure to download that. I think that'll give you some insight for yourself and for your business and for your life. So I really appreciate you, Carol. Is there anything that we should have talked about that I didn't ask you during this time?

Carol: Oh gosh, Kathi, we could talk for a long time in regards to you decluttering your environment, and me helping others to declutter their inside environment. Really and truly, for me, what I would like to leave with each and every woman who is listening is that every woman is a woman of impact. And I leave women with this thought: women, truly step in to that inner courage, that inner strength that you have, because quite frankly, the feminine is asking for each one of us to stand up. And when we step into that inner courage, that inner strength, the world will be a different place.

Every woman is a woman of impact.

Kathi: The world is waiting for us. Yes, we are. And the more people that step into it, the better off we're going to be. So I love that sentiment, and I'm in complete agreement with you on that, Carol. Of course, but we're always in complete agreement.

Carol: Yes, we are.

Kathi: Yeah, we are. It's been a pleasure. And for those of you listening, I wish you to step into your power. I wish you to uncover and get naked and get real with yourself about where you are as a leader and where your power is, and uncover that power, and call upon Carol to help you with that, because she's a master at it. So I really appreciate your time, Carol, and I appreciate all of you listening out there. Thanks for your time listening to this podcast, and until then, I will see you next week, same time, same channel. Thanks so much.

Carol: And thank you.